grieving

I only realised last night after talking to a dear wise friend that I have been going through the process of grief these past 3 weeks.

I’d been grieving what I believe is the loss of friendships with people I had come to love and trust in previous years. I had believed that these would be friends that would stand the test of time. I’m not sure why I’ve been left in the dark about why it seems that those friendships have wound down. I have tried connect over and over again but get stone walled.

As I was advised, as difficult and confusing as it seems, if it seems like they need the space – give it to them. And to remember that I am loved and liked by others. So I sadly agreed with hubs that the best thing now is to just leave the ball in their courts and move on.

My wise MIL also said to me that we experience desert seasons where we feel lonely and isolated. It’s during these seasons that we need to cling closer to God and also to use that loneliness to remind us to reach out to others who may be just as lonely. She told me that when she did that during her lonely periods, she would meet the loneliest people who were just craving for love.

I have been feeling clearer since yesterday especially after a kick up the bum by hubs (who had inadvertently blurted out I was becoming too fixated – he did apologise for being too blunt but it was what I needed at that time to snap out of it). I’m thankful I’m at least not feeling emotional about it for now.

I only hope that as I pick myself up, scraped heart and all, and continue to forge ahead together with God by my side, that I will find new friends who will become lifelong relationships in addition to the ones that have already shown their true colours.

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